kILLing the jaded feeling

The feeling isn’t right. I know I have to stop this, this self-destruction, self-pity. It doesn’t make any good on me. I have to practice putting every negative crap aside. I have to help myself. I know this everyday ranting is just part of my emo side. There’s something good about this emo drama that hurts my feeling and yet it makes me strong afterwards. But when you live it everyday, it ruins everything. Now it’s time to push the emo off button and start to live a good life. I have to find something good out of life. I know there is. there are.

“A letter to You”

Dear God,
Here I am again. Letting myself be near you. Please hear my gratitude to your blessings. You’ve been giving me a lot of things and yet I wasn’t able to get a minute to say thank you. God, thank you. You’ve been good to me. Thank you. You’ve been good to my family. Thank you for understanding me. Thank you for touching me at this very moment. Thank you for remembering me despite your busy time. Thank you for the smallest things to the biggest things. Please help me God. I need you. I need you everyday. Never ever let go of my hands again. I love you God. Let’s make our relationship work.


Your Servant.

My top 5 favorite personalities

There are millions of amazing people in this world. I picked just a few people who keep my passion affixed. They are the ones I admire so much.

Here are the top 5 people who keep me inspired:

(5)Jeannie Mai (born January 4, 1980) is an American makeup artist, fashion expert, actress, and TV personality. She is most known for her work as the host of Style Network's "How Do I Look?", and USA's "Character Fantasy".As a fashion expert, she is frequently featured on numerous television programs such as NBC's Today Show on the "Fashion Tips Today" segment, Extra TV, and E!'s The Daily 10.





(4) Mario Michael Lopez, Jr. (born October 10, 1973)[1] is an American television host and actor who has appeared on several television series, in films, and on Broadway. He is best known for his portrayal of the character A.C. Slater on Saved By The Bell, which he also portrayed as a regular on Saved by the Bell: The College Years. He has appeared in numerous projects since, including the third season of Dancing with the Stars and as a celebrity guest host for the syndicated entertainment news magazine show Extra. He currently hosts America's Best Dance Crew for MTV.








(3) Faith cruz Martinez (born January 19) Trainer at west. She’s one of the reasons why I would want to be a trainer. She’s full of optimism. Her personality can rock anybody’s world. You’ll never get bored with her. She’s a girl blessed of sense of humor. She’s smart. After all, smart is the new sexy. If I would want to marry a girl it should be like her.






(2)Emily Jean "Emma" Stone (born November 6, 1988) is an American actress.
Stone was a cast member of the TV series Drive, and made her feature film debut in the comedy Superbad (2007). She appeared in The House Bunny (2008) and Ghosts of Girlfriends Past (2009). She then starred in the horror-comedy Zombieland and the indie comedy Paper Man in 2009. In 2010, Stone voiced the character Mazie in Marmaduke, and starred in the high school comedy Easy A, which earned her a nomination for a Golden Globe for Best Actress in a Musical or Comedy. In 2011, she featured in the films Crazy, Stupid, Love. and The Help, which received critical acclaim and were commercial successes. Stone will play Gwen Stacy in the Amazing Spider-Man film, a reboot of the Spider-Man film franchise.




(1) Mohan Gumatay or commonly known as Mo Twister, is a radio disc jockey and television host in the Philippines. He is best known for his Good Times programs, which started as a Radio Show and spun off into TV and Internet.

Hopeless Place

I’m like a dead fish going with the flow. I could say that I’m not in a good place, different places I might say. A place where I don’t want to be, where my mind is restricted, where I can’t breathe, where I feel suffocated, where I find myself alone, where I’m battling alone. I can’t continue being in this place but I have to. What else is there? I don’t have any option. When I leave I see disappointments. I see depression. I see regret. I see an empty pocket. I see limitations. No one ever warned me how cruel life could be. I just jumped in a battle unarmed, clueless. This isn’t the life that I’ve planned for myself but sometimes we’re doomed to be in a place that we have never chosen for ourselves because we consider not only ourselves but also others. I never wanted this. I can easily adapt to my surroundings. No, I’m not blaming them. I’m blaming myself for being an easy target to influence. I want to be in a place where my family’s not only happy but also proud of me. I want to be in a place where happiness is not a struggle. When will that be? Should I still stay in this hopeless place? Or should I leave with consequences?

Be The Moth or The Flame?

As kids we used to play with fire, the thrill that we get whenever our finger came across the lit candles. How he idea something that could hurt us still give us the feeling of doing it again. It doesn’t make any difference with grown people. The excitement is still there. We just got older. Like fire, love is a dangerous thing to play with. At first, we are pleased with its thrill. We are amazed of something beautiful that can cause us harm. We cannot keep our eyes off of it. We just want to grasp it and feel its warmth. But in anything that is beautiful there’s something that will burn you to ashes.
With this fire burning up, will you be the moth or the flame? How will you let love in? When you are playing safe with its fire? Will you always be the flame enticing innocent moths and just watched them burn to ashes as you engulf them with your flame. We should quit playing with fire when we want to feel the real warmth of something beautiful like love. It is a given fact that love isn’t love unless you feel the pain. That is what true love means. Going the distance and facing the obstacles even though sooner or later we will get hurt. But trust me, even though it pains one so much, you get to realize the happy feeling of being able to risk it all and loving with no regrets. It is flattering know that in two sides of the love story, you are the one who did not play with the fire of love. They say love hurts, love sucks or whatever, but it is not love which is doing the hurting and the pain. It is the other feelings we are mistaken that resulted with the tears and suffering.
It is how you love that defines who you are. That is what I have learned. One can either be the flame on that lit candle or the moth circling around the flame for its warmth. It’s taking that risk of seeing someone loving your flame but not engulfing them to ashes. It is being brave in circling the flame and being ready to get burn. We don’t have to play with the fire all we have to do is test the warmth of the fire. As long as you are true to your heart and responsible enough, the excitement of love is endless. It is us, who will have to make something special with one worth it, for someone to deserve it and for ourselves also.
At the end of the day, we are all going to be burn into ashes. There should always be the one in tears and the other one happy. We are all enamoured by the flame of love, grasping for its warmth with the hope of feeling the beauty it brings. Admit it, eventhough we tell ourselves to no longer love and throw away love, we are still enticed to give it all again for love. Like kids playing with new toys, adults are thrilled of a new beginning. We are no longer kids playing and throwing it away, we are adults risking it all and being brave for what’s in store for us. For whatever its worth it pays to follow what we think we deserve.

The curtain is dancing as the wind tries to play hide in seek with it. My left eye is half-opened as the sun trying to penetrate the curtain and lighting half of my face. The feeling is so light. I can feel how soft the pillow and bed touching my skin. I can smell the earthy scent of the moisture leaves."It just drizzled" I whisper to myself. The morning seems perfect. As I turn to the other side of the bed I see you staring at me, seating at the edge of the bed, hands intertwined, eyes are vigilant. I can sense that you're about to say something. I rise from the bed and kiss your lips but you didn't reciprocate. I could see the tentative smirk on your face. I finally utter "Is there any problem?" You stoop down your head. "Hey! C'mon talk to me!" I instinctively know what are you gonna say. My eyes become blurry as the tears hover on it. You try to give a compensating hug but I push you. My tears finally fall down on my cheek. The hate and resentment integrate together. "I knew it!" I howl. You wait until my mourn turns into sobbing. I asked "When this happened?" You take a deep breath before the words finally come out "Yesterday, I didn't mean to...it just happened.. Please forgive me...” I interrupt your speech "You did it during our anniversary?"I asked. "I'm really sorry. I shouldn't have done it with him, but you're too busy with stuff." Your irrational speech continues. "You know that I had to work." My hands are cold and I feel that my heart crumble slowly to the floor. "I really love you and I really regret of what I did." You drawl.

The Key To The Kingdom Of Love

In this realm of love uncertainty is predestined. Sometimes it eludes us. Minds are full of questions, fear, and dismay. We cannot completely possess the kingdom of love without sacrifice. Sacrifice is the key to this kingdom. That’s why a lot of frightened people haven’t experienced entering the magical place. Honestly I haven’t as well. Not entirely. I used the back door of the kingdom as a detour for my escape. That’s why I wasn’t able to fully experience the wonderful place. It isn’t that easy to sacrifice especially if you’re talking about time, reliance, and love. There’s no turning back. You cannot surrender back the key and tell the key holder to stop this fancy dream. You cannot use the backdoor as well because you might end up like me, blaming myself for being spineless. A peek at the kingdom is one of the stupidest things you’ll do. You know that you can have it all but you’re just afraid. You’re afraid that you wouldn’t be able to manage it well, afraid that you might break something inside of it, or afraid that you might accidentally burn it. Because believe me. You can never have that back once it has been destroyed. I really admire courageous people who aren’t afraid to get the key for its door and bravely own the bliss of its magnificence.

Please Go home

It’s getting too late my friend. Don’t you think it’s time for you to go?

I had enough. Don’t you think the pain was enough?

Yes, it’s time for us to say “Goodbye”.

Our memories and pictures are clinging in my head. Don’t you think that this is the right time to burn those all?

Please, stop saying please. I can’t entertain you anymore. Can’t you see? I’m trying to clean the stain you made on the table.

What’s this? You even spilled on my couch!

You’re telling me to stay calm? Tell me! How can I wash the stain out?

I’m also closing our book because I’m done and got fed up reading it over and over. Aren’t you tired?

Please go home.

We’re done with this page. I don’t want to reread this.

Yes, I learned enough. That’s why I’m telling you to go home.

Yes, I’m mad my friend. And I bet you wouldn’t want to know why.

Please go home. I’m done talking.

Yes, for the second time this is “Goodbye”. But mind you, please, before you leave make sure to shut the door.